Editor's note: This is the second installment in a series called “When, Where: Access to Abortion in America,” which runs irregularly in States Newsroom, and provides an overview of individuals who needed abortion care in the United States before and after Dobbs. We are doing profiling.You will find the first article here.
Amanda D'Angelo had just a few weeks to get used to the idea of being a mother to twins, but an eight-week test revealed one had died.
This is relatively common in the early stages of pregnancy with twins, and although she was upset, she felt relieved that she was still pregnant. She went on a honeymoon to Hawaii with her husband in July 2021, and the newlyweds posed for photos smiling on the beach with a double rainbow in the background. The rainbow is widely accepted as a symbol of the birth of a living child after losing one during pregnancy.
She didn't realize how iconic that rainbow would become until weeks later.
D'Angelo went to a clinic in Manchester, New Hampshire, for her 12-week test on her lunch break, without accompanying her husband, James, who had to work. But when the ultrasound technician started taking a closer look, she told DeAngelo, “I don't like the way her head looks.”
The technician went to consult a doctor, but D'Angelo was left alone in silence for about 20 minutes, staring into the orange-brown overhead lights and thinking to himself, “There's no way two bad things can happen.'' I repeated inside.
The doctor's expression said it all. “'I wish I could have met you on better terms,'” she recalled him saying. she started crying.
“I was beside myself.”
The relationship between mental health and abortion is a topic of debate by abortion opponents and abortion rights advocates alike for a variety of reasons. Research shows that most women do not experience significant psychological distress after an abortion and do not regret their decision. Studies have also shown that women who are denied an abortion tend to be more anxious, have lower self-esteem, and have fewer ambitious goals for the future.
Mothers diagnosed with fetal abnormalities during pregnancy are at increased risk of traumatic stress and depression at the time of diagnosis and over the long term.
D'Angelo's doctors told him that the fetus had a defect in which the neural tube did not close, resulting in a condition called anencephaly, in which large parts of the skull and brain did not form. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the disease affects one in every 4,600 pregnancies. Most cases end in miscarriage or stillbirth. Those who make it in time to make the delivery die shortly thereafter. This is more common in women, and that's what D'Angelo was dealing with.
“I knew right away that I couldn't mentally handle holding a dying baby,” D'Angelo said. “I knew it wasn't a good environment for me or for her to prolong her suffering.”
Stunned, she left the appointment and walked along the hospital's skywalk to the parking lot.
“I just remember staring over the edge and thinking, 'I could just throw myself off here right now,'” D'Angelo said. “What made me stop and cry even harder was that her husband wouldn't give me any answers as to why I had done it.”
Stigma against abortion still exists in places like New England
A 2022 study from Saint Martin's University showed that approximately 2.4 million people die each year from in utero or stillbirth, four times the annual number of deaths from cancer. Research shows that while this type of loss was not recognized as an emotional trauma by many medical professionals before 1970, it is now considered a traumatic event that can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder. It is believed that there is. Symptoms can be debilitating and include depression, substance abuse, and suicidal thoughts.
Mr. D'Angelo's diagnosis came nearly a year before the U.S. Supreme Court's Dobbs decision, which overturned Roe and returned the right to regulate abortion to states. In New Hampshire, access to abortion is legal for up to 24 weeks. Both sides of the abortion rights debate have tried to change that, but as of February 1, members of the state General Court are at an impasse. Lawmakers voted on a constitutional amendment that would guarantee voters the right to an abortion up to 24 weeks, with 193 votes needed and 226 to pass.
A competing bill would ban abortions after the fetus is 15 days gestational age, or before the fetus is considered “late,” as measured by gestational age from the last menstrual period. House members voted 363-11 to postpone the bill indefinitely, according to the New Hampshire newspaper.
Unlike in 14 other states, DeAngelo's doctor was free to refer her to another clinic for an abortion. Within a week, she was able to get an appointment for her at almost 14 weeks at Dartmouth's facility in Lebanon, New Hampshire, about an hour and a half away. Her husband did not question the decision and she fully supported it.
She acknowledged that she lives in an area of the country where abortion is widely available, but said that doesn't eliminate social stigma. A 2020 survey of 4,000 abortion patients found that nearly two-thirds thought people would look down on them if they knew they had an abortion. In a 2012 survey of New England college students, 87% of participants agreed that there is prejudice against women who have abortions, and 23% said they would withhold their thoughts about abortion from those close to them. I understand that you feel like you shouldn't.
“A lot of places in New England are very liberal and open about abortion, but that doesn't mean there aren't a lot of people around here who would criticize someone for that,” D'Angelo said.
Although she supported abortion rights, she described herself as the black sheep of the family, as her father was deeply religious and conservative and vehemently opposed abortion.
“Religious guilt and knowing they would judge me for this was definitely in the back of my mind,” she said.
The abortion allowed her to continue giving birth to a live child.
After being fired, D'Angelo said her obstetrician referred her to a perinatal therapist, and that therapy helped her feel ready to try again a few months later. By December of that year, D'Angelo was pregnant with her now 18-month-old son, Jacob, a rainbow baby. She was due to give birth about a week after the one-year anniversary of her abortion.
Dobbs was sentenced in June 2022, during Jacob's pregnancy. She was concerned about everyone whose mental health might be compromised during her abortion experience, as she was unable to receive care that prioritized her physical health.
“I'm so upset and distraught for these women and their families and what they're going through, because how I felt in that situation, I felt so alone,” she said.
D'Angelo said she wants to share her story to increase understanding of why people need abortions.
“We can't leave this situation as it is and make people think they're just going to go left and right,” she said. “Even if it is, who are you to judge? But it also happens to people who are trying to start a family and want a baby.”
D'Angelo said she is not sure if she would have been able to overcome her suicidal thoughts and give birth to her son if she had been forced to carry the pregnancy to term.
“Centrists and conservatives who are undecided will look at this and think, 'Oh my God, this is a really difficult situation. I don't know what I would do.' I hope that's their situation,'' D'Angelo said. “And I hope they understand that women's mental health is important. Women's health in general is important.”
