From trying out different sex positions to bringing accessories into the bedroom, there are plenty of exciting ways to take your sex life to the next level. However, more and more couples are embracing the idea of non-monogamy for fulfillment. Dating site Match.com found that half of single Americans are interested in non-monogamy.
“If the idea of intimacy with multiple partners excites you, some form of non-monogamous relationship dynamic may be for you,” said sex educator Amy Baldwin.
“Some people choose it to add newness and vibrancy to their current partnership, while others do it to resolve sexual or emotional needs that are not being met in their current relationship,” says Baldwin. added.
It's worth noting that ethical non-monogamy can take many different forms. One of his is swinging, which is also called “lifestyle”. This sexual activity includes sex with other couples and single people.
Here we explain how this particular type of consensual non-monogamy works and best practices for getting started.
Basics of “way of life”
Baldwin explained that swingers, or “that lifestyle” people, are typically:
- married and/or in a committed relationship
- be tolerant of sexual activity with others
- Aiming for a shared experience with partners
That said, people with this lifestyle can also be solo, said Susan Bratton. Swingers often gather at public or private parties (formerly known as “key parties”) held at rented homes, resorts, and even cruise ships.
“While most parties allow couples and single women (affectionately known as 'unicorns') to attend, the number of single men who can attend is severely limited. “The reason is that it's too biased towards a group of naughty men,” Bratton said.
Lifestyle parties can usually be found with a simple Google search. That being said, the most important aspect of participating is being invited, participating, and being invited back over time. According to Bratton, this establishes you as a trusted and valuable asset to the group.
Things related to swing practice
While swinging, partners may have “room-in” sex. This refers to all activities that take place in the same room so that partners can see each other having fun.
Melancon added that this may also provide some people with a sense of security. But sharing an experience doesn't necessarily mean sharing the same space. Swingers sometimes engage in “separate room” sex, and that's exactly what happens.
While the partners may go their separate ways, Baldwin said the underlying intention is generally a sense of shared vitality and vitality that fuels the partnership.
Types of swing
According to Melancon, there are several levels (or types) of partner exchanges that swingers engage in. Mainly his two:
“Soft Swap” Contains sexual acts, including oral sex.
“Full Swap” or “Hard Swap” This includes most sexual activities, including vaginal or anal sex, depending on your preference.
“Some couples prefer to start with soft exchanges to deepen their relationship, while others prefer to reserve sex for purely romantic engagement,” says Melancon. explained.
She added that a couple's level of willingness to exchange may be related to preferences and health concerns, such as the risk of sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy.
Swinging vs. Open Relationships vs. Polyamory
It may sound counterintuitive, but swinger couples don't necessarily define their relationships as “open.”
Baldwin said he thinks of “open relationship” as a bit of an umbrella term. “It can encompass anything from purely sexual, no-holds-barred experiences with multiple people to dating and deeper connections,” she noted.
However, an open relationship is about meeting each person's unique needs, and swinging is a “team effort.”
As Baldwin explained, the third form of consensual non-monogamy is polyamory. This differs from swinging and open relationships in that it focuses on building relationships with other people outside of the primary partnership.
“It's less casual and more about love and connection, often resulting in multiple loving relationships and even multiple committed partners,” Baldwin added.
How to know if swinging is right for you
If you're not sure which type of non-monogamy appeals to you most, consider a few things, Baldwin says. Are you looking for an experience to share with your partner? Then you might want to try practicing.
Do you want to exercise sexual freedom and autonomy outside of your current relationship? You may be more interested in an open relationship. If you want to connect with and even love multiple people, polyamory may be your best bet.
How to start swinging
Talk to your partner.
Once you've concluded that swapping is the form of non-monogamy that works best for you, strike up a conversation with your partner.
“If they say 'maybe' or 'yes,' make sure you spend enough time learning how to move past non-monogamy, as well as having lots of clear conversations about feelings, boundaries, and needs.” “Please,” Mr. Baldwin suggested. .
Keep in mind that it is important to get a “yes” response from your partner.
“Both partners need to have similar interests before attempting a swing,” Melancon said. “If one partner is insecure or just doing it to make their partner happy, it's more likely to cause emotional distress and possible breakup than sexual arousal or pleasure.”
As Melancon pointed out, feeling pressured by your partner to take a swing is also a “big red flag.”
Remember, the more communication you have with your partner, the better.
You may need to be more prepared to communicate than you were in a monogamous relationship.
“As we bring more people into our intimate, energetic spaces, things get a little more complicated,” Baldwin said.
Let's start by talking about traffic rules. Talk about what level you're okay with, soft, full, hard, etc. Melancon recommends saying things like, “I'm okay with you giving oral sex but not intercourse,” and “I get turned on by watching you have sex with other people.” I suggested it.
Melancon advised reviewing safe sex practices, including the use of condoms, dental dams and contraception, in relation to the risks of sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy. Regular sexually transmitted disease testing is recommended for people who have sex with multiple partners.
Let's take small steps.
Baldwin recommends starting with “smaller, more tamer experiences” (perhaps starting with soft exchanges that involve just foreplay or flirting), then checking in after each to work through any difficult feelings that arise. I suggested that. Through each experience, you will gain a better understanding of what is most satisfying and energizing for you and your partner.
