While most soccer players have very human flaws, such as short tempers, scandalous personal lives, and kryptonite on the field, there is a special club of baseball players who are perfect from every angle.
A media darling, an insane amount of aura, always great to watch – something was up and we started to suspect it. What if, like music, there was an industry plant-baller created in a lab, grown by football's powers-that-be, and dropped into our game with no trace of controlling the narrative? That's enough. Is possible.
A list of footballers who have been confirmed to be industry plants from above because they feel too good to be true, at the expense of sounding a little too similar to Matt Le Tissier I have summarized. Or do they want us to think so?
endrik
Starting with the obvious choice, we all know that the game lacks superheroes to replace Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi, the immortal giants of soccer who surpass human abilities.
Ever since Endrik appeared in Palmeiras, the storyline has been perfect. Suspiciously perfect. There's nothing about his image that isn't iconic, and from his humble beginnings to his teenage years as a Galactico, he's already on the path to stardom.
Ahead of joining Real Madrid in the summer of 2024, he made his debut for the Brazilian national team at Wembley, becoming the youngest player to score for the Selecao since R9 in 1994. With iconic imagery, pop collars, tucked shirts and New Balance deals, it all gets a little shady.
He is the largest industrial plant of them all. Dune fans might even call him Risan Al Ghaib.
Rodri
If the perfect deep commander could be created from scratch in some kind of creepy high-tech lab, Rodri would emerge from the smoke in the room at the end of the experiment.
He has the height, the physical ability, the mental temperament, and the brain-to-foot connection that stitches it all together. he is really perfect.
Combine these strangely robotic performances with his ability to avoid yellow cards and score absolute screamers when Manchester City are under pressure, and it makes you think.
This is exactly what the soccer gods wanted. They wanted a team that would disrupt the traditional big clubs, so they brought the Spaniard to City, making him elite and making City the new face of the sport. It stinks.
Paolo Maldini
Considering the success of his father Cesare, we should have been paying attention to Paolo from the moment he broke out.
The storyline is too pretty with these two. One of the godfathers of Italian football, who served as captain, leader and legend at Milan until the 1960s and later returned to manage the club, he passed on that legacy to his son, who is arguably the greatest player in the history of the sport. He became a great one-club man.
Someone messed with this. Between his incredible abilities on the pitch, his accomplishments with football's biggest corporations, and Paolo's devilishly handsome looks, it all seems too good to be true.
Subjecting 22-year-old Daniel Maldini to plant therapy to ensure his pedigree would have aroused too much suspicion. It all makes sense.
Coby Mainu
In the genre of football tradition, it felt inevitable that Manchester United would join in the action and find themselves an industrial plant.
Mainu has been nothing short of sensational since bursting onto the scene under Erik ten Hag, but the stars seem to be aligning. The youngster from Stockport has emerged at a time of need, locking in a position long overdue since Paul Scholes' retirement and poised to make a comeback under new ownership.
This game requires a resurgent United and a young local hero to guide that resurgence. I have cracked the code. 
Read: 6 wonder kids with bigger potential than Koby Mainu, according to GOAL
erling haaland
We can all agree that Haaland is a complete weirdo and is most likely an alien, right? good.
If you're talking about industrial plants, you need to add Harland to the conversation. You won't find a more complete and purposeful forward.
No one would have guessed that such an outrageous footballer was the son of Alfie Haaland. That's genius. They plucked him at an early age, shaped him and threw him into the game to write the script for the next generation of Messi vs. Ronaldo, along with Mbappé and, of course, Endrik.
Even during the Attitude Era, WWE wouldn't have been able to create a story like this. Rock vs Austin anyone?
Florian Wirtz
Yes, sorry, I won't buy it. It all seems too good to be true. Good luck here.
Germany have been making huge blunders since becoming world champions in 2014 and have been unable to stop the bleeding. So what do you do? It's simple – pick a good-looking German kid at random, call a screenwriter, and craft a redemption story that will save lives and feed German soccer fans forever.
Wirtz, who burst onto the scene as a teenager, has always been an iconic figure, much like Endrick, and has already battled adversity in his career by recovering from a torn ACL and coming back better. He led Bayer Leverkusen to their first-ever Bundesliga title and then led Germany to his homeland. At Euro 2024.
They called us mad, but it's right there for all of us to see. I checked the industrial factory.
jude bellingham
We're rooting for Jude as he champions his debut at the age of 16, his path to football dreams, his now iconic celebration and the return of the Adidas Predator.
He is fulfilling the wildest dreams of every soccer-crazy kid, and perhaps that's no coincidence. Football needed a new Zinedine Zidane and the ability to pull a boy from Birmingham to answer our prayers. No one suspected anything. genius.
Alvaro Morata
We are ending football's failed industrial plant. Morata has long been at the top of people's lists when it comes to football intrigue, and we are no exception.
The Spanish striker, who joined Real Madrid, spent the best years of his career being thrown from top club to top club without much due, with two spells at Real, Atlético Madrid and Juventus. During that time, playing for Chelsea was inevitable.
The world of football tried their best to shove Morata down our throats and develop him into the next great striker, but it didn't pay off and now their secrets are out.
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