I don't know if you've spent any time this week on the vast network of computers, EKG machines, and cash registers we collectively call “the Internet,” but yesterday and today everyone is talking about articles on websites. It seems that it was the cut Written by a financial advice columnist who was scammed out of $50,000. I'm sure this article became a very popular topic because it had a lot of rich and creamy ingredients. schadenfreude The packaging is very appetizing. A self-righteous wealthy man who literally makes a living writing about “financial literacy” gets tricked into the stupidest and most transparent scam by stuffing $50,000 into his shoebox and throwing it into the window of his Mercedes – Benz SUV. . It's been a tough journey, but more importantly, it's revealed some really valuable financial advice. The only smart way to keep your money safe is to clearly They convert that wealth into many non-working cars, which they then litter on their property and on nearby streets.
Financial advice columnist Charlotte Cowles definitely had it bad. She received an unsolicited call from someone claiming to be from Amazon, telling her about an unexpected large purchase, and from there she was transferred to someone claiming to be from the Federal Trade Commission. Then the CIA. They had her Social Security number and information about her family and convinced her to withdraw $50,000 from her savings and give it to someone claiming to be an undercover CIA agent.
Reading her account, the ruse is patently obvious, and her insistence on avoiding telling her husband, lawyer, police, or anyone else would give anyone unfamiliar with modern society pause. It should have been, and as you know, it's not. Please give money to these people. But that wasn't the case.
To her credit, it's good to write about it because it can make people aware of the dangers of scams like this. She could have kept her silence and maintained her reputation as an unmarked financial advice columnist, but she didn't.
So I think that was good for her. I can respect that. Still, my long-dead grandmother, who spoke six languages or none at all, and was likely illiterate, depending on how closely you follow the definition of “language,” might have been able to pick up on something. I can't shake the feeling that I can't do it. The rude performance of these scammers was “off”.
[Editor’s Note: I want to make it clear that, though we’re poking fun at this columnist, we are empathetic. We don’t want her or anyone who is the victim of a scam to feel shame, especially given that this columnist mentions she had to attend therapy as a result of this incident. We wish her all the best; with that said, we’re just poking a bit of fun, here. And again, we respect her for telling this story and for raising awareness to this issue in a way that no public service announcement or less-compelling news story ever could. People are talking about scams right now, so Cowles’ story could really prevent someone from going through something similar. -DT].
This scam was of a type that no one I know would fool anyone. phone From “Amazon”. Amazon is not calling you!But Cowles thought Amazon was calling. she, then the FTC, and the goddamn CIA, and she seems to have bought it all. If she was redirected to Sasquatch to verify her bank account and her phone number, there is no reason to believe she would not have answered the call.
It's very easy to become completely unsympathetic, as Cowles writes that it's unlikely that she was a fraud victim.
“Scam victims tend to be single, lonely, financially unstable, and have low financial literacy. I'm none of those things. I'm more of the opposite. I write a weekly column in the Business section of a New York paper. I am a journalist who had times. I've been writing a personal finance column for this magazine for the past seven years. I constantly interview money experts and take their advice seriously. I'm married and I talk to friends, family, and co-workers every day. ”
She's clearly a wealthy person, someone who can easily make $500,000 without even doing a Google search. ”Remove and sell kidneys” and “Do humans have a central kidney?” And finally, she hints that losing that big $50 didn’t actually have that much of an impact.
Every time she takes a step forward in this matter, I want to scream at the screen to stop someone from being such a mean, awful, dummy. She's a financial columnist! how? Why would she agree to this stupid crap? She is annoyed.
Well, I guess you just read the damn thing. But let's get to the really important part here. She donated her $50,000, which was in her shoebox. Obviously, cash is not safe. It's too portable and easy to lose or hand over. High winds and an excited dog can easily wipe out $50,000 in cash. And don't even get me started on electronic storage of money. Even worse, there's no real sensory notification, just invisible electrons flying down a metal highway, or electromagnetic waves gliding invisible through the air, microscopic You can lose countless amounts of money in seconds.
But did you know? teeth Is there a way to keep your wealth safe? In the form of a car. Ideally, one that isn't running.
“Hold on, I have to rebuild this motor, tune the carburetor, and sell a few cars before I can get the cash.”
Currently, my yard is littered with a 1989 Yugo, a 1977 Dodge RV, a 1973 Volkswagen Beetle, and a 1989 Ford F-150, all of which are currently stuck for some reason. Well, at least in their own power. And those piles that sit there, ungaraged, wet and a little moldy in places, emitting their own rich, aromatic smell, are my material wealth here on Earth. represents the majority of This is why I really should become a financial advice columnist for a media outlet like: the cut perhaps Ui, If only it was still in print.
As you can see, these four non-running cars are at the perfect point in their automotive lives where they won't lose any more value.they have pretty And barring some horrible rust, fallen trees, or a determined lightning bolt, it's probably worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. At least, according to my calculations.
Probably around 500,000? who knows? For example, the value for a non-running Yugo would be: have Yugos are becoming increasingly rare, so it's no surprise that prices are soaring. Of course, that's the main determinant of a car's value, right? That's why anyone who owned a Chevrolet Vegas or the first-generation Honda Prelude is now likely to become a millionaire. That's correct.
As you know, a stuck car is a treasure trove of wealth and cannot be easily removed from the place where it is left. That's why it's important not to run. Also useful are deflated tires and, even better, a small tree that grows between the bumper and the body, a biological security system that ensures your investment is safe.
So if Amazon calls you and you miraculously answer it, improvising “yes, and” to every request in the voice on the other end, you know that your property is still safe. Because the $50,000 I have is in the form of a bunch of moldy trash cans that are killing the grass on my lawn, or more aggressively, on my precious driveway. Because it will keep your gravel safe. Literally, you won't be scammed out of your money over the phone!That would require a crook with a tow truck, a lot of free time, and both unusual resistance to tetanus. and Poison ivy steals my wealth myself.
And if I need those cars back for money, all I have to do is reinstall some carburetors or install a new flywheel and rebuild the transmission after unseizing the engine. It's just a matter of understanding what's causing it. I wonder if the fuel injector is wrong or why nothing seems to be working with the timing. After that, it's a simple process of selling your car and converting it into cash.the Absolutely certain.
So if you've been given this article by your friends who want to enjoy a satisfying, confident laugh at someone else's $50,000 worth of spending, please take a moment to read their To return the favor, I would appreciate it if you could give them some genuinely good advice that they should believe in. You can definitely use it. Spend your money on a car that's not running and proudly litter it on the curb, in an underground parking lot, or ideally next to your lawn.
It's the best financial advice possible. Take it from me, who has never been scammed out of $50,000 just for deciding to be a financial advice columnist.
How many more Yugos can I put on my lawn?
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