My friend Ben suggested it to me. Pointing out that Trump finished third in Washington D.C. in 2016 by a wide margin over Marco Rubio and John Kasich, this could be the only primary election that Trump loses in 2024. There is a possibility that we could become one of them.
That's exactly how it unfolded. Haley suffered her first loss to Trump this weekend in the D.C. Republican primary, winning 63% of the vote overall to Trump's 33%. And my vote was one of the 1,274 votes she got. As Republicans in 15 states go to the polls in their Super Tuesday primaries, I can only hope that the timeless political adage “As the District of Columbia goes, so goes the nation” holds true.
Voting in the DC Republican primary was easy. I had to switch my party registration three weeks before the primary. But if I was going to register as a Republican, it made sense for me to start acting as a Republican. And so began my month of living a republican life. I ate like a Republican, slept like a Republican, and shopped like a Republican. I watched TV like a Republican and spent my free time like a Republican. And I cheered for Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs in the Super Bowl, instead rooting for the 49ers and Trumpy defensive end Nick Bosa.
Enjoying the freshness of my new affiliation, I began to work with phrases like “As the only Republican in this room…” but when out-of-town visitors told me that my Republican This became a problem when he regaled people with stories of his accomplishments. It was discovered too late that they were genuine Republicans and, ironically, had no involvement in such pursuits.
Ben and I met on the morning of January 29th at the D.C. Board of Elections offices near Knott's Park in the Southeast. Ben dressed up as a Chamber of Commerce Republican, donning a suit and reddish tie for his proselytizing. I'm more of a sadist, so I chose jeans and her t-shirt. The clerk handed us a form and a clipboard, filled out our details, and returned a few minutes later to hand me a new voter registration card.
We took a picture with our new cards in front of the American flag at the elections office and the Washington DC flag. They then celebrated their change in status with a very Republican meal. I went to Chick-fil-A for an original chicken sandwich and milkshake.
I still wasn't sure if I would feel comfortable as a Republican, but this is where Mike Lindell came into play. After his election, the My Pillow founder is in a dire situation as the retailer removed him due to lies and triggered a $5 million arbitration award against him. . Mike He Gets Lindell's Patriotic Roll & Go Anywhere Pillow & Case For $14.99 After I Enter His Code For The “Sean Hannity Special” Promotion He Gets 50% Off So I was able to get out of his delinquency. This appears to be identical to the discounts offered on the “Sebastian Gorka Special,” “Dan Bongino Special,” and the “War Room His Bannon Flash Sale.”
My pillow arrived 10 days later, and it was as flimsy as Trump's legal arguments. The pillowcase features a picture of Lindell holding the flag in his right hand and the Constitution in his left. It features not one but two Bible verses and includes promotions for “ashwagandha gummies,” “natural teeth whiteners,” and other things that election deniers peddle to make a living. It was And after I also received a free gift of a download of Lindell's audiobook (a “$20 value”), I knew I needed a pillow.
After a well-rested day, I drove my gas car to Harrisonburg, Virginia, to attend the Showmasters Gun Show. I paid his $9, got my bull's eye hand stamp, and popped into the cavernous exhibit hall at the Rockingham County Fairgrounds. Here, I was definitely home to fellow Republicans.
I perused booths selling knives, handguns, rifles, shotguns, wilderness survival kits, food with a 25-year shelf life, several Republican Senate candidates, and plans to convene a constitutional convention. At a booth run by the Massanutten Patriots, a woman invited me to the group's upcoming conference on election integrity.
“First time using an AR?” a man in another exhibit hall asked me as I carefully watched him offer military-grade weapons. “If you want to protect your life and home, this is your gun.”
For those who would rather attack than defend, there were also stickers, magnets, caps, T-shirts and dog tags with the offensive message “Traitor Joe.” “Pedo Joe” “China Joe will never be my president” “Exterminate the RINOs” “Waterboarding Instructor” There was a Confederate flag, a Christian nationalist flag, and a Three Percenter emblem.
I couldn't justify paying $699 for a bulletproof sculpture that a guy was selling for target practice. He was a cowboy silhouette, with red bullseyes on his chest and head, and anatomically accurate blue genitals. The one with Bigfoot holding up his middle finger was even more unaffordable at $1,650. So instead, I bought a refrigerator magnet that said, “I support Donald Trump.” I love freedom. I drink beer. I eat meat. I own a gun. I will protect my family. If you don't like it, move. ”
I found many more items suitable for my new Republican lifestyle at the Virginia branch of Hobby Lobby. Hobby Lobby is a craft empire founded by evangelical Christians who won a Supreme Court battle to deny birth control to their employees. There were acres of beads, baubles, glitter stickers, and framed posters and panels with Bible quotes.
As I strolled to the sounds of soft guitar music and the smell of potpourri, I perused the motorsports-themed section (“There's No Day Like Race Day”) and the firearms-themed section. There, a wall display with crossed pistols announced “We Don't.” Please call 911. ” Barrett formed 11 in 911. Another group announced, “God, guns and guts kept America free (Let's Keep It That Way).”
Among the vast collection of Bibles, crucifixes, and prayer fragments, there are books on politics such as “The Politics of Jesus: How to Reclaim America's Soul'' and “The Theft of America's Soul: Blowing the Lid Off on the Lies That Are Destroying Us.'' There was a book that offered useful advice. Country. ” There was a framed poster of the Constitution and a poster with a quote from Ronald Reagan. I passed on those and instead found a pro-police exhibit, one with the message “In This House We Back the Blue.” I went home with a table decoration in the shape of a Chinese house written on it.
Millions of such purchases made Hobby Lobby founder David Greene a billionaire, and he used the money to establish the Museum of the Bible in Washington, D.C. It was there that new House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-Louisiana) gave an interview in December. As Rolling Stone reported, the Christian nationalist group told those in attendance that his selection as speaker was a “Red Sea moment” in which God chose him to be the Moses of the Republican Party.
My own visit to the Museum of the Bible was not that revelatory. Ben and I paid $29.99 each for the privilege of touring the main collection, but he refused to pay an additional $9.99 for a virtual reality tour of Israel. The collection has become a bit depleted as the museum has been found to be in possession of various forgeries and ill-gotten artifacts. But we visited the faux stone village of Nazareth, where a costumed woman sprinkled in a word or two of Hebrew for a Disney-esque experience. A movie at the Theater of Galilee (screening of the TV series “The Chosen One”) showed Jesus demonstrating his miraculous catch of a fish.
We checked out a restaurant called Manna, a cafe called Milk and Honey, and a gift shop where BibleOpoly and Franklin Graham books were sold. I took a survey and learned that only a minority of museum visitors disagree with the statement that there is a threat to religious freedom in America. Still, as a Republican, I found this museum to be surprisingly ecumenical and apolitical. There was nothing about God choosing Johnson to be Moses.
Ben and I, tired from our workout, headed back to the sports bar to watch NASCAR on FOX. The race at Atlanta Motor Speedway was a dazzling affair that began with a 16-car battle on the second lap and ended with a three-way photo finish after 258 laps. The car was going 200 miles per hour. Just for Men's beard dye and COPD medication ads suggested that the typical NASCAR viewer moves rather slowly. One disappointment was that Brandon Brown wasn't in the driver so he couldn't yell “Let's go Brandon!” From our bar stools.
Ben bought each of us a tattoo of a suit-wearing, pipe-smoking rhino named Republican (temporary, like party affiliation).But the truth is largely It's the DC Republicans that MAGA Republicans despise as RINOs.The D.C. Republican Party's annual banquet, to be held on February 21st of this year, will be called the “Lincoln-Douglas Gala” after the former Southeast D.C. resident. Frederick Douglass, not Stephen A. Douglas.
Republicans in Washington, D.C., are wealthy and well-educated, and when I went to vote in the primary, I was the only one there wearing camouflage.Democrats in D.C., the party is so small that the elections are There was only one voting location, the Madison Hotel, an upscale hotel downtown. No early voting was allowed at all and there were strict voter ID requirements — they are Republicans, after all — but there were two tables inside the polling place with Haley campaign memorabilia. , there was no sign of MAGA at all. I got a paper ballot, darkened Haley's circle, slipped it into my e-reader, and proudly applied the “I Voted” sticker.
And then there was a pleasant surprise. He spotted a long line of Republicans on one side of the hotel lobby and learned from them that Haley herself was in town and was about to address a rally in the ballroom upstairs. I joined the line and received a sticker that said, “I choose Nikki,” and a sticker that showed a chicken with orange hair and a red tie that read, “Trump is too chicken to debate.”
There were many big-name reporters at the venue, including Mark Leibovich of The Atlantic, Ali Vitali of NBC, and Francesca Chambers of USA Today, but I volunteered that I was a Haley voter and asked Natalie of Politico.・Mr. Allison was interviewed by Ben Jacobs of Slate. “We found the typical DC @nikkihaley voter and interviewed him on the street.” Jacobs tweeted along with my photo.
However, the gag ended when Haley began speaking to the packed audience. Her words reminded her of why I became a Republican in the first place, and it had nothing to do with her MyPillow.
Haley spoke about Trump's recent threat that those who support him will be “forever banned from MAGA.” The crowd cheered at the idea of being banned from MAGA.
They were Republicans like me!
Haley also referred to President Trump's recent proposal to “support President Putin and encourage invasion of our allies.” The crowd booed.
“Mr. Trump will side with dictators who murder their political opponents,” she continued. “Mr. Trump is going to side with a tyrant who arrests American journalists and holds them hostage. Trump is going to side with a lunatic who has no idea that he wants to destroy America. Are you going to take your side over the allies who supported us after /11?”
Shortly after this, a man in the crowd yelled, “He can't win the general election!” That's crazy! ”
“Maybe Donald Trump is the problem,” Haley said to cheers.
The DC Republicans in that room were truly my fellow party members. They are about 30 percent of Republican voters who want to cure the MAGA disease in the Republican Party. A healthy Republican Party is essential for America if we want to return to a time when we can fight each other on issues without compromising our democratic principles. We are on exactly the same side in this regard.
Haley's final lines offered hope that the “stress, anxiety, and depression” that has gripped the country during the Trump era will be healed and that “normalcy” will return.
“Can you imagine a country where you can sit down to the dinner table without having to fight politically?” she asked. “Can you imagine a country where we disagree strongly and don't hate each other over it? That's where we want to be.”
That's exactly where I want to go. As I was leaving the ballroom, a Haley volunteer saw my “I Voted” sticker and said, “Thank you for voting!” I smiled.
I am now back to being a registered independent. But in that moment, I felt proud to be a Nikki Haley Republican.
