“That's not fair” is a common refrain from childhood. This voice is usually heard when a child does not get what they want. Sometimes that feeling is correct, but more often than not.
As we grow up, adults, whether parents or others, tend to intercede on our behalf to show fairness. The problem is that we develop false expectations of fairness. This leads to great frustration as we mature, as fairness in life is not guaranteed.
Perhaps you have encountered many unfair situations. You'll definitely come across more. You can scream and scream, but you can't make life fair. Sometimes unplanned, unexpected, and even unfortunate situations arise. It's not ideal, but it's the way it is.
Anger is a normal reaction when faced with unfair events. You may even feel bitterness and resentment. However, these reactions will not have a positive effect on you. they are counterproductive. Moreover, they are as destructive as poison to your mind and body.
Feeling victimized is also a related emotion. When you think something is unfair, you may feel like someone is out to get you. When you take on the role of victim, you become passive instead of proactive. This means waiting to see what happens next instead of actively participating. Victims are defensive. People who refuse to act like victims are offensive.
On the other hand, your decision-making skills are excellent. When something isn't fair, you have a chance to make the most of it. You can also use a bad situation as a stepping stone to a better one. You can't control your environment, but you can decide how you respond to it.
Silhouette of a person sitting on a bench in front of a body of water at sunrise.
When faced with an unfair situation, you need to decide where to go from there. To make the most of the situation, consider all your options with an open mind. Holding a grudge impairs your judgment. When that happens, you're more likely to react emotionally rather than logically. The goal is to improve the situation, not make it worse.
Julie was applying for an open position at her company. She has excellent qualifications and she always received excellent performance reviews. Her Julie was optimistic about her own chances. She really wanted a promotion. To Julie's dismay, her boss's friend, Kathy, was hired for the job. Julie felt it was unfair. Kathy didn't have as much experience as she did.
What were Julie's options? Determined to get even with her, she was able to head to work every day, much to her chagrin. She didn't have to perform at such a high level. Julie was able to do enough to survive. Why does she have to work so hard and be treated so unfairly?
The second option was for Julie to accept that such a thing would happen. As her reputation as an employee improves, other opportunities may arise. If Julie isn't happy with her progression at the company, she can take another job elsewhere.
If Julie chooses the first option, she will only hurt herself. If her productivity decreases, her reputation will decrease as well as her chances of promotion. If Julie subsequently looks for another job, she certainly won't get a compelling introduction.
The second option is much more beneficial for Julie's future. Whether she looks for a new job or not, Julie will not engage in self-destructive behavior.
No matter what unfair situation we face, there are opportunities to make things better. Understand what chain of events led to the current situation. It doesn't necessarily make sense, but that's okay. The key is to optimize to make the most of your opportunities. Moving forward is always better than being mired in the past.
Brian Golden is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. Brian is also the author of Dare to Live Without Limits, which is available at select bookstores or on his website by clicking here.Email Bryan at Bryan@columnist.com
Click here for Brian's last column.
