We all know that the only politics that matters are domestic and global politics. Local politics are a waste of time and energy and have little impact on the lives of average citizens.
To make local government more interesting, I propose that all local elections include the option to elect pets to positions that are officially only held by humans. I am confident that this will not have a negative impact on the existing political system and will increase public interest in local events.
Who wouldn't want to read about an actual catfight in a city council meeting? Of course, many small communities no longer have much local reporting, but the potential for drama may create a need to cover council meetings.
You may think pet politicians are less effective than our current options, but I ask, do you know what your city councilors and county supervisors are doing? Do you have it? do you want to know?
Don’t you want to read about singing birds?
I think Parrot would do well as county supervisor in most Northern California counties. Birds don't have to think for themselves, they just have to repeat a series of enthusiastic political mottos. Simply copying the slogans and ideologies of larger national politicians will win elections by a landslide.
Or why not a turtle? Many of these shelled reptiles are as old as human politicians. They will also implement policy changes just as quickly, if not faster. If voters become dissatisfied, the turtle legislators can simply pull their heads into their shells until the noise stops.
I think the city council could also use NIMBY — “not in my backyard” — hermit crabs. They promise aid and policy changes, but only as long as nothing causes discomfort in their cozy shell homes.
The only problem with the City Council member's hermit crab is that he could tell people, “If you don't like it here, why don't you just leave?”
He may tend to forget that not everyone has the privilege of mobility that he has.
Do you notice any differences between these animal legislators and the presumably human ones we have now?
At best, a golden retriever makes an occasional appearance at city council meetings. He has good intentions but is unable to make a difference and is sometimes distracted by tennis balls. In the worst case scenario, a pack of huskies will be aggressive and screaming, dragging the community wherever they want.
Of course, if this suggestion bothers you, there are other options. You can also read more and learn about local politics. You can also vote for human candidates in local elections, which often have fewer participants. Or you can leave it to the animals.
This is satire, but if you want to nominate your cat, I won't stop you.
Heather Taylor can be reached at: [email protected]
