- For years, I've been juggling studying for my PhD, working part-time, and raising a family on my own.
- I gave up alcohol, prioritized parenting, and tried to stay positive in the process.
- In the end, I got my degree and survived the turmoil.
From 2009 to 2013, my life felt like a three-ring circus.
I worked part-time while working on my PhD in Business Administration and raising my 3- and 5-year-old children. I was a newly separated mother trying to navigate life and raising children on my own.
My mornings were filled with panic as I tried to feed my kids, get them dressed, and get them to school with healthy lunches. I often ran on less than five hours of sleep.
I made their bedtime early and it was non-negotiable. After the kids were in bed, I had to clean up the dinner dishes, make lunch, clean the house, do laundry, and do my doctor's work from 8pm to 2am. Since it was an online doctoral program, in addition to lectures, I had to read multiple articles and respond to discussion posts in each class. I spent her 40-60 hours a week on classes and homework.
It was hard to make ends meet, but we did it. These five strategies of his helped me stay sane in the midst of chaos.
My childcare duties always took priority
I wasn't going to win the Mom of the Year award, but if the kids were clean, fed, and not bleeding, I guess that was a win for me.
Still, I found authentic ways to connect with my kids, like short board games and elaborate blanket forts. I didn't take my kids to as many activities as I wanted to, but I focused on life-saving activities like swimming lessons. I thought the rest could wait.
Sometimes I would sleep overnight to finish my PhD work if they needed more time with me.
During breaks during my doctoral studies, I went camping and visited my family. The kids looked forward to this time when my nose wasn't stuck in a book. I always involved my kids in vacation planning, and one year, my girlfriend's daughter wanted to go to Mount Rushmore. That's what we did. She hopes she remembers that trip more than she remembers the hectic pace of the previous months.
When I was in doubt, I did something else to distract myself.
With a house to clean, food to cook, children to raise, and a PhD in progress, there was always something to do. There were times when I felt stuck, not knowing where to start. So if you notice yourself declining, change the task to another “must do”. I call this productive procrastination.
Don't want to read any more discourse analysis articles? Wash the dishes. Don't want to write a literature review? Get a Lego to act as a pitiful land mine when you go to the bathroom at 3am.
avoided alcohol for a week
I often make bad decisions by having a few drinks when I was supposed to be concentrating on my PhD work, which leads me to have a few more drinks and, as a result, take more time to work. The next day I decided to take a night's rest thinking that there would be a problem. I had become accustomed to drinking alcohol as a coping mechanism. Life was hard and alcohol numbed the self-critical voice in my head.
I decided to avoid alcohol and caffeine during the week because I didn't have time to experiment with artificial highs and lows. After a month of struggling to quit cold turkey, not drinking became a better habit.
I found small moments to prioritize my physical health.
I didn't have time to go to the gym, but there were things I could do to stay healthy. I did what I call the “Three for Me”: 1 minute wall sit, 1 minute plank, and 1 minute sit-ups.
Not a day goes by that I can't find 3 minutes for myself. I read a magazine article for 3 minutes, and this was one of the few times I successfully multitasked.
I also created a 5-day meal plan that is healthy, quick, and provides a different meal each night. We had dinner at the table, talked about our days, and connected. I would also relax and go for walks with my family on the weekends. There, we all got some much-needed vitamin D and found solace in nature.
I remembered my “why”
I had chosen to do this and the end was in sight. After one low moment and crying about how exhausted and overwhelmed I felt, I found an online therapist. In that video it said that my brain listens to whatever I say. She encourages people to say, “I chose to do this, and I'm glad I got to do this,” even if they don't. When I was feeling particularly whined and the advice didn't work, I thought like Nike and yelled, “Just do it!”
I also remembered my “why”. My “why” is staring in the mirror or sitting across from me at the breakfast table. I had to remind myself that I was getting a PhD to get a job that paid better, gave me more purpose, and gave me more time with my kids.
Dr. Nadine Robinson holds a PhD in Business Administration from Athabasca University. She is also an adjunct professor at Sault College, a keynote speaker, and a freelance writer. Follow her @theinkran.
