The children noticed and asked me questions. I don't mean to speak ill of their father, but I want them to know that I actively tried to repair the relationship and was repeatedly rejected. How much, if any, do I share with them?
Divorced: Saying your father has severe mental health issues is not “badmouthing” him, even if he actually does have severe mental health issues. It's a fact and your children deserve to know the facts. Also, if you miss a joint event because you're immunocompromised or have chemotherapy appointments, you'll probably tell them that. So don't treat your health problems as something embarrassing to say out loud. “My dad is dating ___ and now we can't do things or interact like we used to. I'm rooting for him and doing what I can. If you have any questions , or if you need any assistance, feel free to come to me.”
Dear Carolyn: I've been dating my boyfriend “E” for about 4 months. We became close and close much more quickly than in previous relationships.
After about 6 weeks I realized I loved him and eventually grew to love him. I'm actually worried that my emotions are too strong. As a thought experiment, I started thinking about what I would do if he broke up with me, but just thinking about it made me so angry. My life at the moment is mainly built around him.
It's fun to feel that way about someone. Especially now that I'm at a ripe old age, and I'm not a teenager yet, it's very scary to be emotionally dependent at this stage so soon. How can I slow things down within myself?
Anonymous: Let's protect our home. Wait until about two years later to agree to something permanent. Because that's usually when the fog of new attraction starts to lift. Schedule things that are unique to you, such as friends, hobbies, family visits, activities that you enjoy and have stabilized you, and people and things you have turned to when you have gone through difficult times before.
The best thing about these steps is that by trusting it to be your safety net, you can let go of everything else, instead of worrying that you'll do too much or that everything will fall apart. It's about being able to actually be present in this wonderful feeling. Because you start to believe that you can handle a crash. congratulations. Please keep doing a good job.
