When it comes to pets, work for trust, not love.

I acquiesced to the situation and couldn't help but fall in love with the little fur ball.

She has what we affectionately call a “spicy” personality. She can pet her only if she allows it. If she doesn't know you, she should literally watch her back. Be prepared to crouch once she gets within 1 foot of her cat tree perch. Some people, including my mother, may say, “What a terrible cat.” In fact, those people may be right, and in hindsight, she may have antisocial personality disorder.

But those of us who decided she was worthy found ourselves devastated. She quickly became attached to dogs, to the point where I sometimes thought we believed she was a dog too. She approves of me, Brent, and our smallest human, Jameson. Your hands will melt into her incredibly soft fur as she turns her attention to you. And when she purrs, which is rare, your heart will jump out of her chest.

Unfortunately, Angie, to whom she was supposed to belong, was unable to participate. She won't give you a warm welcome if you don't meet her goals either. Pay attention to your calves and ankles. In her defense, when she feels anxious or uncomfortable, she becomes hostile towards everyone, even approved people.

Well, two weeks ago, Angie brought home an orphaned kitten completely unannounced and named her Calliope, or Kali for short.

I live with people who are trying to build Noah's Ark, I swear—two dogs, two cats, two lizards…

Mara Hoffman's cat, Calliope. Mara Hoffman/Sun Journal

The kitten could not have been more than five weeks old and had been abandoned on the side of the road, but was at least old enough to eat dry food and run and jump independently. Knowing that her baby would not be on Athena's approval list right away, Angie bought a separate toilet, dishes, and toys for her baby, and her new, possibly hostile, older sister The plan was to give her a private space away from her home.

Again, Cali was so cute that I said no. The first words out of my mouth were, “I can't keep this cat.” You can imagine how that turned out. I lost my vote again. Man, I hate being pushed around.

I was worried about the increased costs of food and litter, not to mention medical costs such as spaying, injections, and ongoing care.

But I was mainly worried about Athena. We joke about our “spicy” cat, but she actually reacts aggressively when she gets nervous around people or animals she doesn't know or trust. I was worried that she would become aggressive towards her kittens and hurt them. Athena was the only cat her whole life.

Just like humans in family and social situations, animals have certain dynamics when living in close quarters. And universally, new members, whether human or beast, bring with them a whole new set of rules and expectations, and many unknowns.

For Athena and the zoo's new and youngest members, this is happening in real time.

It's only been two weeks, but we've learned a lot. Kari is still mostly in her safe place, Angie's room. However, we have tried to give the cats short, non-physical interactions to avoid things that would upset Athena. But if we stay too long with the kitten safely in our arms, Athena will inevitably start hissing and growling. It's stressful for everyone.

As I said earlier, I am one of the people recognized by Athena. In fact, ever since the kitten came to our house, he has been especially attentive to me, letting me hold him all the time, sleeping with him, and even waking him up by bumping his head against him. I'm absorbing it and it gives me added reassurance that she's safe.

Mara Hoffman's cat, Athena. Mara Hoffman/Sun Journal

Well, Wednesday I took Cali outside and held her in my arms while I walked around the kitchen. Athena was sitting on a perch in the cat tree, watching us. I asked her to take a look. At one point, a few minutes after I heard no more peeps from Athena, I moved a little closer, and then a little closer. Athena rarely takes a swipe at me when she's on her perch, so perhaps I felt the bond between her and me was strong enough that she trusted me completely. It may be.

I was wrong. The swipes and chomps came like lightning. I was quick enough to pull the kitten away, but not so quick to avoid Athena's claws grabbing my hand and causing damage. Yes, my hands as I typed instantly became bloody. As probably her favorite person, I felt a little betrayed.

Athena and I hadn't talked for hours. Then she sat across from me at my desk, staring at me. I told her, “We’re not talking right now.” She continued to stare with those beautiful green eyes of hers.

I forgave her before I went to bed.

That night in bed, I felt her jump on the back of my lap and snuggle. When she calmed down, I faintly felt her purr.

I thought a lot about our interaction earlier in the day and immediately felt guilty for being angry at her.

It was exactly the kind of negative interaction I had warned Brent and the kids about. It pushed the boundaries of my relationship with Athena. I intentionally put her in a situation where her anxiety was heightened and she felt she had to be defensive, and I put her kitten in a dangerous situation. It was all my fault.

Since then, I have been thinking about the differences between human nature and animal nature. We humans tend to anthropomorphize our pets in a variety of ways. We call them our children and assign human emotions and thoughts to them.

There's a pretty solid theory that when a dog looks at you, it's telling you it loves you. I don't have any evidence to prove or disprove that myself, but sometimes I just don't get it. I want to believe that Athena “loves” me, just like when she bumps her forehead or purrs, but when I think about it, it feels more like trust than love. . She trusts me to hurt her, feed her, meet her needs, and provide a safe home.

However, bringing in a kitten is a new scenario. Her trust for the situation doesn't exist for her yet, so when it comes to her new sister (which she did again), her trust isn't built at all. She seeks reassurance from humans, but has not yet received it in a way she understands. That will take more time, but it's painful for humans who just want the cats to be around each other without hostility.

We have learned that this situation is not about us and is not what we want in our pets. It has to be about what's best for them, what keeps them safe, and what gives them a great quality of life.

Dogs seem to have no problem with cats, and while dogs can sometimes be indifferent, Spicy Athena will need more time and further understanding to get to that point. . We give it to her the best we can.

We love our pets unconditionally, but we must work unconditionally to earn their trust.

Mara Hoffman is Sun Journal's night editor and can be reached at mhoffman@sunjournal.com.

” previous