- Vivian Arguelles, 82, found it difficult to make friends after moving to Florida in 1988.
- But she found that the easiest way to make a connection is to share a passion.
- She loves being active and found her best friends through running groups.
Vivian Arguelles grew up in Cuba, where she says family was everything.
She visited her grandmother and great-grandmother every weekend and often attended family parties. Like it or not, she said, that's the norm and that's what brings everyone closer together.
All that changed when Arguelles, now 82, immigrated to the United States with her children. After she raised her children in Chicago for 18 years, during which time she was separated from her then-husband, her children were scattered throughout the United States, and Ms. Arguelles In 1988, I decided to move to Florida on my own.
“It was hard to find friends and I didn't know how to make friends,” Arguelles told Business Insider. “People make friends through work or church, but I didn't have a job. I just knew people in the neighborhood and that was it. So there was really no one here.”
Before coming to Florida, Arguelles worked in real estate in Chicago and found work in the same field in Florida, but quit because he didn't enjoy it. A self-described adventurer, Arguelles said she took on many employment opportunities shortly after moving to Florida, including sailing to Spain and Portugal, serving as an interpreter, desk manager and working for a yacht company. She said she had made friends working in the yachting industry, but the company was “very transitional” and they were unable to maintain friendships.
“Again, I didn't have any friends, so I said, 'I have to do something,'” she said.
There were women's groups that Arguelles could join, but she said she didn't like the frequent cocktail parties and accompanying luncheons. But when she saw a flyer for a running group that was raising money to fight leukemia, she decided to join and ended up running her first marathon at age 60.
“I started making friends in that running group, and those friends became a very close-knit community,” Arguelles said. “I think you need to find your passion and get involved where your passion is so that others can have the same passion.”
Since then, Arguelles has used that one idea to find and maintain connections with others: meeting people through activities that share her passion. In addition to her running group, Arguelles has made friends through her gym's spinning group, who she often meets socially at dinner and happy hour. She was also interested in going to Italy, and she started taking Italian language courses, where she also made friends.
BI has previously spoken to other older adults who struggle with loneliness but are finding ways to make new connections later in life. Some of them say it “saved their lives” for them. It really could be – US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy declared loneliness an epidemic last year, saying the effects of minimal social interaction are especially harmful to older people, and especially It said it could increase the risk of heart disease and dementia.
Arguelles said she continues to push herself to try new things and meet people with common interests because she recognizes the impact loneliness can have on her health.
“It's very important for seniors to have a social life,” Arguelles said. “That's what drives you forward. There are many ways to meet people, but it also takes effort. If I didn't put in the effort, I would probably be sitting at home at my computer all day.”
“Life is too short to waste time”
Arguelles knows what she wants to do, and although she tried many different jobs and hobbies early in her life, she now wants to dedicate her time only to what she loves: traveling and fitness. thinking about.
It also means that she sees no need to meet people through activities she is not passionate about.
“I don't like shopping, so I'm not going to make friends through shopping,” Arguelles said. “Life is too short to waste time on things like that. But if someone says, 'I love traveling,' or 'I love hiking,' I say, 'Really? When are you leaving? Do you want to do that? Can I go with you?’ ?”
Of course, it's not always easy. Some older adults have physical limitations that prevent them from engaging in more active activities. Diane Stone, deputy director of the National Senior Center Institute at the National Council on Aging, previously told BI that ensuring older adults have access to local senior centers is key to fostering connectivity. He said he would get it.
“We're going to prioritize things like transportation infrastructure and make sure everything is really accessible so people can have a place,” Stone said. “Supporting these community-based organizations is so important. Alongside senior centers, we're also talking about libraries. We're also talking about parks and recreation. All of this is supported by community and government funding. It's very important to think, “I'm going to prioritize those efforts because they're the ones I'm working on.'' ”
For now, Arguelles has no plans to slow down. She loves living by the coast in Florida and knows the risks that isolation poses, so she wants to stay active for as long as possible.
“Socialization is very important for the brain and is recommended to prevent diseases such as dementia that are common in older adults,” Arguelles said. “That's one of the reasons I do it.”
Have you found a way to combat loneliness? Share your story with this reporter. asheffey@businessinsider.com.
