I am the eldest daughter and the mother of eldest daughters, so, well, I have a lot of experience with eldest daughters. That's why my ears perked up when I saw the term so-called “first daughter syndrome” trending on social media.
Not familiar? “'Eldest Daughter Syndrome' is a term used to describe the emotional weight that the eldest daughter in a family often carries,” says New York City-based neuropsychologist and director of Comprehensive Consultative Psychological Services (CCPS). Director Dr Sanam Hafeez says: “Many eldest daughters take care of younger siblings, help with household chores, and even care for sick family members from an early age.”
It's not a new term. “This syndrome is a widely recognized phenomenon, especially among eldest daughters, who often struggle with their identity and the impact it has on relationships within the family,” Dr. Hafeez added.
The eldest daughters proved that this birth order stereotype exists by sharing their experiences on TikTok. “I'm the eldest daughter. Of course I raised my siblings together, but my parents don't approve of that,” the older adult sibling said in a TikTok video. “I'm the eldest daughter, and of course I'm a Type A perfectionist who has a habit of starting at 5 a.m.''
In another TikTok video, her eldest daughter, who is much younger, says, “I'm the big sister, but of course mom always asks me to bring diapers and wipes.”
However, a recent study published in the journal psychoneuroendocrinology We went beyond anecdotal evidence to examine the association between stress during pregnancy and early maturation in first-born daughters.
I'm not talking about girls having early periods. In the first study of its kind, researchers found that daughters, who are firstborn children (as opposed to non-firstborn sons or non-firstborn daughters), may be affected by prenatal stress in very specific ways. I observed that there is a
The eldest daughter developed quickly and was fully mature, which ultimately helped her raise her children. Importantly, this interesting example of fetal programming was revealed before the eldest daughter was biologically capable of bearing children of her own.
Lead study author Molly M. Fox, Ph.D., of the Department of Anthropology at the University of California, Los Angeles, points out that it has been the norm around the world and throughout history for the eldest daughter to help the family.
While this may be a “normal” family structure in various cultures, my biggest question as a mother of an eldest daughter was whether there were any negative consequences associated with it. “Inherently, maturing early or late is neither good nor bad,” says Dr. Fox. “It's a trade-off; girls who experience adrenal puberty early will likely receive additional training in adult skills, such as caring for babies.”
Dr. Fox said that what the study ultimately shows is a “functional adaptation, in that when a mother is in a stressful situation, it's helpful for you as the eldest daughter to help her more.” “There is a possibility.”
Dr Fox added: “Overall, it's not that maturing earlier is a bad thing, but it's likely that the environment that caused the mother to experience stress was poor, and that's how evolution works, even under adverse conditions. “We are adjusting the response between humans and the mother to be optimal.” ”
Looking back at my own first pregnancy, I don't think I'm alone in characterizing it as stressful for the simple fact that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I also have to consider that many people who are pregnant with girls may feel stressed out if they have a partner who isn't all that thrilled about not having the son they've dreamed of for so long. In particular, my husband grew up in a boy's house and always dreamed of giving birth to a boy) (girl).
Warning signs of “eldest daughter syndrome”
Returning to the question of whether “eldest daughter syndrome” is too much of a burden, Dr. Hafeez says that some girls in this position “feel overwhelmed, constantly taking responsibility for others and asserting their own needs.” He pointed out that there is a possibility that people may have a feeling that they are struggling to cope with the situation.
Here are some warning signs to look out for if it's too much for your eldest daughter.
- lack of personal time for family responsibilities
- sacrificing personal development such as education or social opportunities
- have a hard time setting boundaries
- Reluctance to express needs
Advantages of “eldest daughter syndrome”
There are also positive aspects to consider, such as eldest daughters being in a position to develop strong leadership and organizational skills and good task and priority management. In her TikTok video, the aforementioned girl mentions that her mother calls her “strong-willed,” which research shows has a lot of positives. It is shown in
In fact, I feel strongly that my birth order and gender are a blessing and have shaped me into the type-A, controlling, schedule-obsessed person I am today. Oh, and a caring nurturer who could have been a mother so easily.
On the other hand, our family currently has five children, the oldest three of whom are girls, and all of them are natural caregivers. All of our daughters have maternal tendencies. There is no doubt that they are very mature and responsible. Unless you're sneaking candy from the pantry.
Dr. Hafeez concludes, “Birth order can influence personality traits, but it is not the determining factor, and individual differences play an important role.”
