Dear Abby: My husband talks to his mother every morning. Over the past few months, her health has been deteriorating and she spends most of her days in the hospital, which is extremely difficult. Hearing her mother suffer every day has affected her husband's mental health. I spend my mornings trying to cheer him up because that sets the tone for the day.
How do I tell him that my daily conversations with his mother are starting to affect my mornings? Even the dog is starting to show signs of depression. Would it be selfish to suggest that he needs to talk to her at a different time or even fewer days?
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— California Bystander
Dear Bystander: Your husband may not have time to talk more with his seriously ill mother, so it is not recommended to approach the issue that way. What I would suggest is to tell her how much you love her husband and let her see and feel her anguish over her condition. Then, since you can see how much pain this is causing him, suggest that he see a mental health professional who can help him resolve this issue. Then you cross your fingers and hope he realizes how much he needs it.
Dear Abby: I am writing this in hopes that someone I admire will read it. I don't know how to approach him. He was preparing to retire and as the years passed I fell deeply in love with him.
He's a little chubby (as am I), but his personality always entertains me. He sometimes jokingly takes “sexy” poses and even shows his navel. Almost every day I noticed him staring at me out of the corner of his eye. Please help before it's too late. Time is running out.
— His dream man in Tennessee
Dear Dream Guy: You mentioned that the man of your dreams is preparing to retire. I can't think of a better reason to celebrate. Suggest that you two go out for drinks or dinner after work “to celebrate his retirement.” Then tell him he agrees. It could be the beginning of something beautiful.
Dear Abby: My husband had a stroke 8 years ago. Everyone except those closest to him think he is fine physically and mentally. We know his brain isn't functioning the same as before. Example: When he went to fill out his job application, he asked me whose name he should put in the applicant field.
He has had a temper at times, but in recent months he has become so abusive that I am considering divorce. Anything can make him angry and there is no right reaction from me. I'll try counseling. Any other advice?
— Ready to leave for Delaware
Dear Ready: I have one more piece of advice. You mentioned that “everyone” thinks your husband is fine physically and mentally. Does that statement include his doctor? If you forget to write your name on a job application or if your personality has changed recently, it could be a sign of dementia. You should tell them your concerns so that they can evaluate him.
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