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This is part 2 of the series. Read part 1 here.
As we discussed in a previous post, learning more about your relationship with money can help you understand how financially-based decisions can promote or hinder young people's maturation.
Many of the families I treat have a hard time putting limits on subsidies for their adult children. They may offer very legitimate and traditional financial support, such as paying for college tuition, helping you buy a car, or keeping you on health insurance for as long as possible.
But they may also be offering questionable financial support —underwriting In that sense weaken the growth of their children.
This includes continuing to pay university tuition fees when courses are dropped or failing, regular relief from credit card debt, compensation for repeated parking tickets and traffic violations, and eating out. This may include providing unlimited financial allowances for recreational activities such as or travel.
In a similar vein, I've worked with many parents who complain that their adult young people won't leave the house, but they find their home very comfortable and luxurious. , we don't realize what it means to be comfortable as much as we think we do. There is little incentive for them to leave. A parent of a teenager once commented to me sarcastically: myself Not to him but to his room. Because it's very nice there and he has a great setup. ”
Less often, I find that many parents tend to be too stingy or too strict when it comes to financial support for their young people, and don't realize how much the economic world has changed since they were young people. (and the economic world has changed dramatically), they don't realize that they may be inadvertently holding their child back from moving forward.
This could mean refusing to pay for expensive car repairs if the young person needs transportation to and from work, or refusing to help with a joint contract or security deposit for an apartment if the young person does not need transportation. It may appear in the form of doing something. I don't have the credit or funds to manage these myself.
In either situation, it's important to take a close look at your own and your ancestral family's financial history. The past can influence current decisions in multiple (and sometimes contradictory) ways. for example:
- If you feel like your parents that's all-If they spoiled you at that stage, they may try to compensate by being too hard on you as a parent. Or you may feel that your children deserve to be treated at least as much as you are, if not better.
- If you feel like your parents under– If you overindulge at that stage, you may become overly generous as a parent and try to make up for it by giving everything you didn't give…and so on. Or you might try to be “hard on your kids” in the same way you felt your parents were hard on you, especially if you believe it worked out well for you in the end. I don't know.
Asking yourself the following questions and looking back at a time in your life will clarify your own experiences and help you more objectively assess whether financial support is working for or against your adult children's maturation. The foundation for this will be laid.
- What lessons did you learn growing up about money and what it means and symbolizes?
- What anecdotes and stories about money did your family have?
- In what ways did your family spend money wisely or foolishly?
- How rich or poor did you feel during your childhood and adolescence? How did that change as you grew up and left home, or did it stay the same?
- How does your gender, ethnic, or religious background influence your behavior in how you think money should be earned, received, saved, and shared?
- If you have siblings, were they treated differently than you when it came to money? If so, in what ways?
- When you were preparing to leave home, what expectations did you have for your parents' support financially?
- What were your parents' financial expectations? you What was it like in terms of being independent as you were getting ready to leave home?
In future posts, we will continue to explore the financial aspects of empty nesting.
