Franz Kafka wrote to his lover Felice Bauer: “We wanted you to be completely alone on this earth, under the sky, living your life, your life, without distractions, with complete concentration.” It's you. “
These moving characters have given way to emails, text messages, WhatsApp video calls, and emojis. Sexual thinking has been defeated by all sorts of modern gadgets. Smart girlfriend bracelets, vibrators, and remote-controlled lamps allow for near-physical contact between lovers, even if they are hundreds of miles apart. In a world where long-distance relationships are increasingly common and work opportunities can be far away from loved ones, this kind of product can help couples overcome physical barriers.
Amazon's best-selling touch bracelet costs about $120. “Simply touch your bracelet, and the other person's bracelet will vibrate and flash, letting them know you're thinking of them,” says a Chinese company specializing in this type of device. So says the product description that Totwoo advertises (they also sell smart necklaces and rings). These touch-based gadgets are connected to the same company's mobile phone app and also work to send romantic texts, voice message reminders, and special videos. Then there are the “Friendship Lamps,” which cost about $90 and light up at the same time in sync. And there are remote-activated vibrators that cost $100 or more.
Psychologists assert that these innovations have the potential to enrich long-distance relationships, especially when physical contact is difficult to replace. Psychologist and sexologist Sylvia Sanz observes in her practice that “the intensity of the relationship often diminishes in the absence of this kind of physical contact.” . Spend time together, watch the same movies, eat together over video calls, use bracelets to let your partner know you're thinking about them, use remotely controlled sexual devices, etc. Doing things will help maintain the physical element. “Because if you don't, the lack of connection will have a negative impact on the relationship. This can create insecurity, uncertainty, and even jealousy,” Sanz points out.
But relationships aren't just about sex. And distance often helps strengthen communication and trust. Just as Kafka and Bauer wrote letters on a daily basis, confessing insecurities that they probably never had the courage to talk about in person, modern long-distance relationships can help maintain the amount of extra, but lack of physical contact. You can also supplement it. The honesty you have towards the other person. “Some couples, even though they live hundreds of miles apart, are much closer than other couples who live together, because they talk more, talk about each other's daily lives, and share certain activities.” Because we do,” continues Sanz.
Leandro has been with his boyfriend for over seven years. Three of them are long distance. During the pandemic, they spent time in the same studio in Buenos Aires, but each went to different parts of the world for work. “For us, the problem more than the technology is finding the time to have a quality dialogue and stay on the same page,” he told EL PAÍS by phone. “I don’t care about the medium. Sometimes I feel like I’m having a serious conversation and connecting through a WhatsApp message. Other times I spend an hour and a half on a video call where we each talk about ourselves. Yes, probably because I’m looking at him on one half of the screen and reading Twitter on the other.”
Conversations with your boyfriend often last throughout the day, and can range from mundane topics like the delicious meal you had together to more complex topics. “The most important thing is knowing that the other person is there and available to talk to when you need to…I can call him and tell him everything and vent.” But especially between the two of them. When it comes to topics like the future of a relationship or big career decisions, you may prefer to wait to talk in person.
This method of connection seems to be becoming more and more popular. However, little research has been conducted on long-distance relationships, so there is a lack of data. Still, psychologists are increasingly treating these cases, and professional websites and specific studies mention this increasing trend. For example, a survey conducted a few years ago by the American Counseling Association found that 75% of American college students have been in a long-distance relationship at some point, and 60% of those relationships were successful. But generally speaking, couples who live together last longer than couples who live hundreds of miles apart. They also last longer than relationships that start in the virtual world (through applications like Tinder or Bumble). Virtual worlds are becoming increasingly common.
all kinds of accessories
In addition to smart bracelets and necklaces, there are other devices that can help couples in long-distance relationships feel connected. A large and diverse accessory market exists for estranged lovers. For example, there is a personalized puzzle that depicts a photo of your last moments together that you can send to your partner. There are also digital photo frames that play a slideshow of photos selected by the recipient. However, the best thing to do is to make something handmade, such as a painting or a sculpture, and send it to your partner. If not, you can send wine or chocolates or a pendant with the couple's name engraved on the back. Probably the best option is a USB with music you can listen to when you two are together. The possibilities to stay connected are endless.
However, all these efforts may be insufficient. Ana, 28, started dating her boyfriend when she was working in London. But two years later, her job took her to Madrid, and the two began a long-distance relationship. Initially, the separation was planned to last only six months, but everything dragged on and problems began to arise. “There's a relationship with her partner, but at the end of the day it's a relationship with a cell phone,” she says matter-of-factly. They communicated using basic technology: text her messages and video calls. However, it has become increasingly difficult to find time for each while holding down highly demanding jobs, especially in capitals like Madrid and London. “We used to talk every day, but the working hours were long and demanding in the big city, and it became quite monotonous.” Eventually, they had to end their relationship via WhatsApp. It wasn't easy either. “Relationships like this are complicated,” she sighs.
Kafka did not believe that long-distance relationships were monotonous. Quite the opposite. Her epistolary relationship with Bauer (they sent each other letters daily) was so intense that he had to ask her to slow down. “Write me only once a week, and your letter will arrive on Sunday, for I cannot bear daily letters from you, nor can I bear them.'' For example: I answered your letter, and then I lie in bed, seemingly peacefully, my heart pounding throughout my body, and only you in mind.”
Of course, Kafka proposed to her in a letter and she accepted. However, their love did not survive in a face-to-face relationship. They clashed and reconciled many times, but ended in a final farewell on December 27, 1917, when Kafka accompanied Bauer to the train station. They also stopped writing letters to each other.
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